


Please don't go

by Hyungki



Series: from zero(let's start again) [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Break Up, Broken Heart, Hurt, HyungWonho - Freeform, M/M, Memories, Misunderstandings, someone save them, there's like five seconds of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 13:04:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13659552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyungki/pseuds/Hyungki
Summary: He left him and that left him broken.





	Please don't go

The night was cold, the streets crowded and noisy while his room it was colder, quiet and even worse lonely. He was curled up in a ball under blankets just like he has in the past month, lonely and choking up tears.

This is how it’s been for a whole month, he would just lay in bed doing nothing recalling past memories which hurt him more and more. His friends would check on him frequently worried that something was happening to him. He would just give them a small smile and say “I’ll be fine don’t worry.” of course they didn’t believe that, those words translated to “leave me alone”. 

“Hyungwon please you just can’t lay here okay? You have to get up laying here won’t magically bring him here so please.”

“Minhyuk just leave please I don’t wanna hear anything I wanna be alone let me lay here in my misery what is it to you anyway” the other grumbled under the covers and groaned silently. “Fine but I’ll be back again later so don’t be surprised and also don’t try to kick me out again okay?” And with that the apartment was silent again just small sniffs were heard.

Hyungwon couldn’t take anymore. How could he leave him like this? Without any word? “Damn you Hoseok damn you” “but I miss you and I love you” he whispered to his phone before opening it and going to the all familiar number.

To: Hoseok ♡

_\- it’s hyungwon again. I see your reading the messages. Why won’t you answer? Do you hate me that much? What did I ever do to you? Have you erased me? Have you found someone to replace me? Please don’t go please come back I miss you Hoseok and I Love you. Please_

He laid the phone down and cried silently. He still couldn’t grasp the situation. Was this all a bad dream? Hoseok didn’t really leave? It’s his imagination playing with him.

Hoseok was such a caring person, he took care of him and loved him, and comforted him. So why did he leave him without saying anything. He disappeared or if his life just leaving those lovely memories which now just hurt hyungwon.

_Maybe he just didn’t love him the way he thought the other did._

..

He shouldn’t have left him. He knew this and yet he took his things and left the younger. Hoseok felt sorry for leaving him, maybe he was okay without him? Hyungwon didn’t need someone like him. Hyungwon is better alone by himself he doesn’t need someone who’s so insecure and can’t speak about his feeling. Someone who just hurts people all the time.

But he was wrong, after reading all those messages the other had left his heart ached. Yet he didn’t build the courage to text him back, he couldn’t he felt ashamed and scared. He was scared to fall for him even more and then hurt him. Just like he hurt all the others before hyungwon and he didn’t wanna hurt anymore people.

_That’s exactly what you’re doing right now Hoseok._

_Your a fucking idiot._

There went that heart ache again. He stayed there sitting on the edge of the bed while holding his phone in one hand and his heart in the other while tears fell down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry hyungwon that I’m not good for you and that Ive hurt you this way” Hoseok whispered and quickly unlocked his phone and read the most recent text.

From: Hyungwon

_It’s been two months and still no sign of you and I’m scared that more time will pass and that won’t be here. That more time will pass and you will fall in love with someone else. Please come back to me._

Hoseok held his phone to his chest and swallowed the lump in his throat. Why couldn’t he build the courage and text him back? Why couldn’t he just tell the other what he felt? Why was he such a coward? 

_Just admit it you’re never gonna find love if you can’t love yourself. You idiot._

...

“Hyungwon are you finally up?” A voice is heard in the kitchen. “No go away now please” Hyungwon’s voice could be heard. “Listen you fucker I’ve been doing this for almost two months coming in checking up one making sure you’re not starving yourself you son of-“

“Minhyuk thank you for caring for me and your efforts but I never asked you too. If you’re gonna complain about dealing with me then don’t come and check up on me please.” Hyungwon said and minhyuk groaned. “Won at least try and get up and stand in front of the apartment to at least get some sunlight.” “Or how about this at least open the damn curtains.” Minhyuk nags again jumps into Hyungwon’s bed to give him a kiss on the forehead.

“You know me and Jooheonie worry a lot Hyungwon so please and try to at least help your self please?” Minhyuk says and blows a kiss from the door “well I’m going now bye bye~”.

Silence again.

If hyungwon was honest he would rather have his loud friend nagging at him going on and on, on how he should get up and do something than being alone and having to fell the heart break over and over again.

His minded started to wonder and the memories started to pop up again. 

_“Your so cute when you pout you know that hyungwonie?” Hoseok said while laughing and pinching the younger’s cheek. “I’m not cute, I’m handsome” Hyungwon argued only to make Hoseok laugh more. “Yeah sure my little kitten” Hoseok said and Hyungwon starts to attack him with tickles._

_”I’ll give something to laugh about” hyungwon yelled and laughed “okay Okay!! Stop I-it hurts” Hoseok yelled while laughing causing hyungwon to stop. Hoseok grabs the younger and pulls him closer._

_“I love to see you smile and seeing you happy” Hoseok whispered and kisses him._

__

_“I love you so much hyungwon.”_

Liar.

That’s what Hoseok was a liar. Saying words like that saying he likes to see the younger happy and that he loves him. Lies all lies. If he really did like to see him smile he wouldn’t make him cry like this. If he actually loved him he wouldn’t have left his broken.

But he couldn’t come to hate Hoseok, he loved Hoseok and missed him that it painfully hurt him.

Hurt him so much that the pain was gradually taking over him where he couldn’t even physical pain. Just that heart ache that had taken over him.

He grabs his phone and with shaking hands dials the other’s number. The phone starts to ring until it’s met with the voicemail operator.

”Hoseok please come back I miss you so much it’s painful. Please come back plea-“ he starts to choke on his tears and silently cries. “I-i love you Hoseok and I probably will forever live to love you” “many years could pass and I’d st-“ his voice is cut off by a loud beep indicating that his time is up. He lays his phone somewhere he can’t remember he falls asleep crying.

..

Hoseok day starts the same he gets up goes to work sits at his place with the same feeling of numbness. The only thing he could feel was that pain that lingers and lingers for hours and hours on end.

“Hoseok” he heard someone say and he quickly looks to the person who has been calling him. “I’ve been calling for what seems hours are you okay?.” “Ah Shownu I’m fine I guess I just spaced out for a while.” Hoseok says offering a fake smile. “You don’t seem okay actually you never do are you sure you’re okay?”.

“I said I’m fine okay?” Hoseok snaps and quickly gets up “im heading home now it’s late” he says and makes his way home. 

He goes straight to his bed who has become his number one source of survival. His phone buzzes and he checks it. His heart automatically aches and he starts to read.

From: Hyungwon

\- I called a couple days ago you didn’t answer did you hear my voicemail? You probably did you always read my messages yet still no reply. I’m waiting for you I’ll always wait for you. How long has it been? Too long I’ve lost count. My heart aches each day more it’s eating me. 

A single tear escapes his eye and he quickly wipes it away and swallows that growing lump in his throat. Yet another message makes his phone buzz.

From: Hyungwon 

-I hope one day you’ll text me back, I was remembering some memories and wow I wish we could go back in time. When you were here and I was happy. I’m hoping you’ll return to me my love.

More tears escape his eyes and hesitates for a second but places his phone on silent and placing it under his pillow before laying on his bed. 

He blinks a couple of times before groaning and getting up again. Maybe a walk outside would do. He grabbed his phone and quickly headed out.

He breathed in the cold air and sighed, it wasn’t helping it made him want to go crazy and run to the younger and maybe he should.

But how could he just return after leaving him like that? After hurting him so much? 

_Don’t hurt him more Hoseok keep walking and stop your thoughts._

The more he walked the more his thoughts seemed to race. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea maybe if he stayed in his bed he would’ve fallen asleep at some point. 

He groans and keeps walking and thinking and thinking lost in his thoughts soon lost all together. 

...

“Hey Hyung can you let me in please? You weren’t answering your phone and I got worried please open the door” The door opened and a sigh of relief was heard. “Thank god you’re okay hyung I was worried why didn’t you pick up your phone?”.

“I got a new phone Jooheon you didn’t have to come here I’m fine see” Hyungwon says and Jooheon frowns. “It would be great if you actually were great. Have you been eating?” The younger says and hyungwon shakes his head.

“Hyung please eat it’s for your own good, I’m not gonna beg and nag at you like Minhyuk hyung but please” Jooheon said and hyungwon sighed. “Jooheon I feel like shit okay? Does it look like I wanna eat? Or do anything? I just want him back! And he’s not gonna come back okay? If I wasn’t good enough for him to care about me then why should care about me?” Hyungwon cried.

“Hyung that’s not true okay? He didn’t leave you because he didn’t care. You know Hoseok hyung isn’t like that” Jooheon re assured and hugged the older.

“Then why did he leave me why? I’m broken I’m aching I miss him so much Jooheon I-“ he chokes on his tears and Jooheon pats his back. “Maybe it was something personal hyung you never know.” 

_Hyungwon wanted to believe that was true but he couldn’t._

_Hyungwon you’re useless and that’s why he left he isn’t coming back accept it already._

_He couldn’t accept that either._

...

“Hoseok” Shownu says and Hoseok looks down slowly and whispers “I’m okay” while tears threaten to spill. “No you’re not you always say you’re okay I can see you’re not what’s wrong?” Shownu says and Hoseok looks at him.

“I-I miss him” he says and starts to cry “ shownu I’m a fucking idiot okay? I left him I left him just because I’m so scared over something so stupid? I’m scared of hurting him but I’m doing that right now? I left him and caused so much pain and I-“ he cried and shownu pats his shoulder.

“he texts me everyday and I haven’t received one because well I changed my n-umber and now he can’t text me I’m a mess shownu” “I shouldn’t have left I should’ve talked to him told him my insecurities but I was scared that he was gonna leave him and fuck I was wrong” Hoseok rambled and shownu sighed.

“Hoseok you’re not an idiot you just misunderstood. Can’t you text him? Explain to him what happened I’m sure he won’t reject it. It seems he misses you too” Shownu says and leaves patting hoseok’s shoulder one more time.

_Maybe he’s right he could text him but what if hyungwon rejects it?_

_If he does he has the right too._

 

...

 

Later the night the both of them decide they should text each other for the best. Hoseok decided he should just let out what he needs to say, he miss hyungwon and is ready to go back to him.

Hyungwon was ready to give up on the idea of him ever coming back. He wanted to text one last time everything he ever wanted to say.

To: xxx-xxx-xxx

 _-I bet your surprised to find this message on your phone. But it’s me,Hoseok I changed my number after dropping my phone into some water. I’m sorry. It was never you who made go, i was scared of hurting you or not being good enough for you, but I was also scared to tell you this I didn’t want you to leave me. I thought it was best for me to leave and I’m so sorry hyungwon. I want to be with you I don’t think I can stay any longer again because of my stupid action. I love you so much and I want to go back to you. Let’s me be together again let’s start from zero, I wanna get to know you all over again, so please get to know me all over again._  
-From Hoseok

 

To: xx0-xxx-0xx

_\- hey Hoseok, It’s Hyungwon I changed my number something happened to my last phone. But don’t worry this is probably my last text. It hurts to think that I won’t text you anymore but I know you’re not coming back. Hoseok I miss you and I was serious when I said that millions of years could pass by and I’d never stop loving you. I love you but I’ve accepted the fact your no longer coming back. I hope one day you do come and that we can start all over again. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you next time we meet please let me be good enough for you. I love you and always will._

 

-from hyungwon

Each message reaching two complete strangers.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction and i'm happy you took your time to read this, please leave some feedback and thank you for reading! there will be second part added to this series continuing this story. the series is called From zero(lets start again)


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